Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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