just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
