Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
its not stalking. its research.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
