just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's blow job season.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
