Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
