He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
