1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
