K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
