your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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