Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
