Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
