matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
