I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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