no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just had sex bonerless
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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