ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
