This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
