i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
