Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
