I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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