you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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