Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
