I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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