I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
