i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
