I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
