dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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