the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so let's talk penis.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
