wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
