i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
