your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
