i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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