someone owes me an orgasm
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
