We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
why didn't you poke me back
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
