marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
