"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
