I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
