I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
