Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
