Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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