Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
