3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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