Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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