im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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