Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
