the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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