so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Found the puke drawer
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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