I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
