Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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