so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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