Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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