I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize